I’m trying but it’s not really working out……

I want to give up! All week long – last week that is – I spent trying to find the good things in my life and appreciate the small things more (I know I can for I have before)…. Lot’s of reminders… but I never quite got my pep or my positive outlook back…

Well, this week I am all tears and dreaming of living on my own once again (running away ya think???)! Nothing seems right! Maybe I am trying too hard and I should just let myself be for awhile… If I feel sad, so be it. If I feel overwhelmed, so be it. Maybe my problem is I don’t know how to just be and just accept I’m at a loss right now on how to feel or what I want to do!

You know what I have to say about all this right now???

BLAH!

Time to Move On…..

I know I should know by now… and I know I should never forget… but the first step to getting out of a funk is by making it a priority to take care of myself the best I can. Yup, that means “work” on my part or does it?! (might be a bit of fun, eh? – but we’ll pretend it’s work so I don’t feel too guilty..)

Think back to when you felt really good about yourself. What were you doing?

Me? I was eating right, excercising (which really does promote strength and self-confidence – along with many other major beneifts) and acting as if… so what to do? Doesn’t have to be an all or nothing event – which I tend to lean towards (all the time or not)… it can start with a simple healthy breakfast and a baby walk… baby steps…

Another thing that has helped me in the past was to force myself to do things I know I want to do but always put off for tomorrow… (You know the “I’ll start tomorrow, then tomorrow, then tomorrow syndrome” – you know the tomorrow never comes funk….??)

Start with things you enjoy first… the closets will always be there.. the messy drawers aren’t going anywhere… although laundry and dishes I do consider a priority- the rest can and will wait.

Start doing things that bring a small sense of pleasure into your life. For me, that might include such things as soaking sprouts to start growing them, a wonderful healthy addition to salads my friends (you know the healthy eating part I was talking about)! It can include sending an e-mail to a friend (sister) for a near future get together… force yourself!

With each small thing you do, you’ll find yourself starting to step back into your life and/or creating one that you can enjoy and be happy in.

I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself… I’ts time to pick myself up and move on…

This week I’m going to focus on all the little pleasures in my life… all negative thoughts I will acknowledge, but that’s it… then I’ll let them drift right on by… this week I won’t have time to focus on them… because this week my focus will be on me and the many small pleasures that I tend to overlook in my everyday life!!

Getting Through Another Day

Sometimes ( most of the time )it feels like I’m just getting through another day…. When will I wake up and look forward to the day! So much work needs to be done on my part. Am I that sad and depressed? When will I feel like making my life better? So much work needs to be done. Have I been this sad my whole life? I can’t remember when I was truly happy for longer than a day. It’s depressing just reading my words…. That’s okay… as long as I can get through today… maybe tomorrow will be one of my happy days….

Mid-Life Crisis?

You struggle your whole life to feel just a little important….  you always live on the outskirts of other people’s lives… you feel lost!

Then the time comes, when you realize your whole life is passing you by.  Where did the time go?  Who are you?  Why are you here?  What is the meaning of your life?

You feel so much turmoil inside it breaks you apart.  Everything that used to seem right seems so wrong.  Nothing makes sense.  You feel chaotic so you act upon it.  You create chaos!  Still not sure whether the chaos is created because of the incredible need and desire to change your life or the need to become noticed by your “loved” ones.  Why should it be such a struggle for you to believe you are important?  Why is it that your whole life you believed everyone else was and you were just there for the ride?

You do something that goes against every grain of your belief (“Hello world, look at me!).  But, you have tried for so long to change things and nothing changes.  You, for a moment, completely lose your mind.  You think you know what you want, but you don’t.  How do you find out what you really want?  Who are you fighting?  Yourself or the people in your life?  You think you can change another, but you can’t.  Why do you try?

A bit late in life, but you want to change.  How does this begin?  So much of your life has been what other people want you to do.  They think they know best.  You have lived under their shadow for so long…. how do you begin to create your own shadow?  how do you begin to create your own life?  how can you begin to believe it’s not too late? 

You want meaning in your life…  just how do you find that meaning?  How does one change?  How does one start listening to their inner self when for so long they have just ignored it?  How does one find their own happiness? 

So confused…..  Where to begin? 

Have I really lived most of my life in a shell, one that I created by being so insecure?  I need to break this shell…  I need to stop saying tomorrow will be the day that I start  really living.  Tomorrow never comes……

Where do you start?  Where do you begin to start living the life you were meant to live?  How do you know you’ve begun?